


White Lies

by fizzymoon



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: High School, Idiots in Love, Lemon, Love, Multi, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25492660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzymoon/pseuds/fizzymoon
Summary: Is an innocent lie capable of messing up the Losers' lives forever?//Mainly a Reddie (slowburn), but the presence of other couples is not excluded.18+ contents, trigger warning.The story is covered by copyright. It's strictly prohibited copying it totally or partially and publishing it somewhere esle without my consent.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier





	1. Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Little white lies  
> We keep to ourselves  
> We'll never tell  
> Ain't hurting nobody  
> Little white lies  
> Nobody else needs to get hurt  
> Oh 'cause they'll never know
> 
> (Florrie - Little White Lies)
> 
> An English translation of my Italian fanfic, enjoy (and please forgive the many errors)!  
> Follow me on Instagram @_fizzymoon for special contents.

**August 20th, 1993**

Eddie Kaspbrak had never liked lying.  
That's why, going downstairs for breakfast, his stomach was in turmoil, twisted like a dishtowel to wring out.  
Entering the kitchen he saw his mother absent-mindedly smearing some peanut butter on a pop tart, her eyes fixed on the lit tv at the other side of the room. He sat at the table murmuring a "Goodmorning", anxiety seemed to have gobbled up his voice.  
The woman smiled, her stretched mouth barely visible beyond the puffy cheecks her profile offered him, but she didn't deatch her eyes from the tv.  
Eddie cleared his voice a bit, clumsily filling up the glass in front of him. Some drops of orange juice fell on the immaculate tablecloth, but his mother didn't seem to notice even that.  
-Mum.- The boy called, leaving on the table the juice's box.-Mum, can you listen to me for a second?-  
She whirled towards him, widing a bit her dark eyes.-Are you not feeling well, Eddie?-  
He would have wanted to lift his eyes, but didn't. If he wanted to obtain a permission, he would have needed to ingratiate her as much as possible.  
He filled a glass of juice for her, too, putting a convincing smile on his face.-No, I ain't. I'm very well. I just wanted to ask you a favor.-  
The woman took the glass her son was extending to her grudgingly, giving him a bothered expression.-What is it?-  
Eddie took a deep breath, praying for his voice not to shatter. All it would take was a straddle to put his mother at attention and make her discover his lie. He clenched the fists he had on his knees, hidden by the long flowery tablecloth.  
-Bill has invited me to sleep at his.- He said all in one breath.- The day after tomorrow.- He added, while Sonia tilted her head like crows do when they're analizing a worm's movement.  
-You've already gone out the previous week, Eddie.-  
-But it will be on a Saturday, Mum!- The boy insisted, squeezing his hands even more, to the point his cnuckles whitened.-You promised me that at least on Saturdays...-  
-There will be _Richie Tozier_ , too?- The woman interrupted, pronouncing that name in a way so nasty that a nerve darted in Eddie's cheek.  
-No, he won't, Mum.- He answered, staring at his orange juice glass. It felt like he could have drowned in it.-You know I don't see him anymore.- His mother went back to watching the tv, but the satisfacted grin that fluttered on her face didn't escape Eddie.  
-Alright.- She allowed.-But today you're washing the dishes, and in the afternoon you'll go to the drugstore. I need more pills.- The boy barely nodded. He was hearing the voice of the tv presenter, but the words didn't graze his mind to the point he could understand them, and even his mother's laugh came to him muffled, swallowed up by the noise of his thoughts.  
He was elswhere already, lost halfway through the street he would have drove along leaving Derry and the sky that darted rapidly upon his head while he gazed at it nose up sitting on the back of Mike's pick-up.  
He was feeling the wind in his hair and hearing the whining voice of Stan, who would have found reasons to complain about this and that, and Richies' scornful comments, some punch-lines about his mother's sexual activity, and Beverly that singed at the top of her lungs the songs the radio would have played.  
He shouldn't have lied - if his mother had caught him, he would have got into serious trouble - but in front of his fantasy's eye opened a vision so idillac to make him forget the meaning of words such as _punishment_ and _chastisement_.  
He cleared up the table and washed the breakfast dishes like he was asked to and then, making sure the volume of the tv was high enough for his mother not to hear him, he went in the living room and called Bill from the rotary phone placed on a small table in the entrance.

Eddie didn't know what Richie found so amusing about pushing his shoulders against people, but that's how he greeted him right outside the drugstore, making the packets fall from his hands.  
The tiny boy bent down to recollect them, not without casting an evil eye on him, helped by Ben and Bill, while Stan was telling Richie to stop being an asshole.  
Eventually everybody stood to look at Eddie, motionless on the sidewalk like light poles.  
-So?- Bill began, breaking the silence.-Why did you ask us to come?- Eddie gave them a toothy smile, and his big hazelnut eyes lighted up with pure joy.-I'm going to the concert with you!- He exclaimed, and right after he was overwhelmed by a flood of clapping and pats on the shoulder.  
Richie winked at him, but stood still where he was.  
-That's awesome!- Mike was smiling too, showing off his white teeth.-It's unbelievable your mother gave you permission!-  
Eddie's enthusiasm shut off in an instant, and in a so evident manner that even the others frowned.-Eddie.- Stan's voice was a whiff.-Your mother gave you permission, didn't she?-  
-Well, no, she didn't.- The boy revealed, suddenly busy arranging the medicines into the backpack he had on his shoulders.-Not exactly. I told her I was going at Bill's.-  
The latter, heraing his name, went pale, and the color he had lost seemed to spread on Stan's face by osmosis, painting his cheecks with a purplish red.  
-I can't believe that!- The jewish talked back altering.-You're seventeen, Eddie! You can't keep on making up those things because you're too afraid to face your mother.-  
The Losers looked at him open-mouthedly: Stan wasn't used to react in such a rough manner.  
The guy crossed his arms on his chest, like he wanted to shield himself from those astonished looks, but when he spoke, his tone was calmer.  
-I said the truth.-  
Mike, near him, shook lightly his head, even more surprised. Seeing Eddie's disconsolated expression, Ben said:-Such harshness wasn't required.- And fixed his clear eyes into Stan's.-But what he said wasn't wrong.-  
The jewish guy let out a long sigh, running a hand through the curly sable-blonde hair.-Excuse me, Eddie. It's just, we've talked about this so many times already...-  
-It's true.- Bill inserted.- And we're tired of the way your mother treats you. Everything we say is for your wellbeing, Eddie.-  
This limited himself to a shrug.-I'm not mad at you.- He assured, his gaze open and sincere.-Stan is right, I really am a coward.-  
The other widened his eyes.-Don't even say that. I for one have always had difficulties in expressing my opinion with my parents.-  
-Yeah, but you made it eventually, didn't you?- Eddie gave his friends a stunted smile.-You all have been capable of telling your folks the truth about Saturday's trip.-  
He was reached by a chorus of timid responsive "Yes". The guy crossed his harms to his chest and lowered his gaze to the asphalt at his feet, the breach shimmering under the early afternoon lights.-I had to lie.- He added a little time later, with regret.-She would have never sent me, otherwise.-  
-How could you know if you don't ask her?- Bill replied, trying to cross his sad eye with his own, light-blue and convinced.  
Eddie took a breath to answer, but was interrupted by Richie's voice.-Don't be all over him.- He said, raising a hand as a sign of peace.-It was me who suggested him to lie.-  
-Richie!- Then everybody screamed, except Eddie, who stood silent, happy of not being anymore at the center of attention and of the scolding.  
-How did you come up with that?- Stan jolted.- After all the discourses we made to convince him to not lie anymore!-  
Mike took action too, although chillier and with a half-hearted smile on his lips.- You know Eddie's mother is going to lock him inside _forever_ if she finds out he's lied, don't you?-  
Richie dismissed their rants with a wave.-It's nothing a fuck can't solv...-  
-Beep Beep, Richie!- Bill exclaimed to that point, shutting him up.-Try to be serious, for once.-  
Eddie took speech, to avoid that the situation heated up any further.-Arguing is no use.- He said, putting a hand on Richie's chest, who was yet ready to fling himself forward to protest. He tried to ignore the tachycardia that assaulted him while the fingers came in contact with the cloth of his t-shirt.-I've told that lie already, and to take it back would mean dig my own grave.- Nobody had something to object, so Eddie went on.-We've just got to be careful, and everything will be alright. We will enjoy the concert and my mother won't find out.-  
The resolution in Eddie's eyes seemed to convince the Losers.  
They started to walk again, definying the last details for the leaving.


	2. Broken record

Saturday came before Eddie could realize it, between all the chores his mother had burdened him with out of spite.   
The boy had washed the floors, ironed the clothes, did the shopping, washed the dishes.  
When he looked at the clock hanging over the kitchen table, he noticed with great astonishment that seven p.m. had already passed.  
He put sponges and detergents back in the sink cabinet and bolted in his own room, barely hearing the voice of his mother who, sitting in one of the armchairs in the living room, asked: - Eddie, where are you running to? Be careful not to get hurt!-  
The young man looked out from the balustrade of the stairs leading upstairs.- Bill is waiting me for dinner, I'm already late!-   
Though he could not see her face, he knew that his mother had clenched her lips.-Did you do everything I asked you to?-  
Eddie took a long breath.-Yes, Mum.-  
At that point, the woman stopped asking questions, and the boy locked the door of the room behind him.  
He prepared the duffel bag hastily, tucking in a clean shirt - because someone in the crowd could spill soda on him - a sweatshirt - because on the way back, at dawn, it would be cold, wouldn't it? - and a blanket - in case it got _really really_ cold.  
He took the remaining ten minutes to wash and get dressed and, duffel bag on his shoulder, he rushed down the stairs, amid his mother's protests.  
He left a kiss on her cheek before leaving the house.  
He walked down the driveway and followed the road that would lead him to Bill's house, turning suddenly to the right, in a dark and silent alley.  
All he could hear was the sound of Mike's pickup engine at the bottom of the dark lane.  
All the Losers had gathered around the vehicle.  
Eddie reached them almost running, and welcomed Beverly in a warm embrace.-Happy birthday.- He wished her detaching, but still to keeping his hands on her white, freckled arms.  
The girl smiled.- Thank you, Eddie!-Then she turned to the boys around them, and the smile widened.- I still can't believe you've organized all of this for me.-  
Richie wrapped one arm around her shoulders.-This and more for the boss' fiancée.- He glanced winkingly at Bill, who blushed a little.- Make sure to reward him properly, later.- Richie continued, this time winking at Beverly.  
Somebody hit his side with an elbow, and all the Losers turned in the direction of a petite girl, all freckles and black curls.  
Richie massaged the injured part with a fake sore expression.-What did I say so terrible, Becca?-   
The girl's green eyes shun Richie's - since he'd been wearing contact lenses, his expressions were more noticeable, no longer hidden by the thick frame of the glasses, and Eddie distinguished on his amused face a nuance of affliction.  
Rebecca just shrugged her shoulders, as if Richie already knew very well what the problem was and there was no need to add anything else.  
An awkward silence lowered, interrupted only moments later by Stan, who said, not without a hint of sarcasm: - You're late, Eddie.-  
The little boy hinted a smile.-My mother locked me in to do house chores. It was a coincidence that I looked at the clock.-  
Mike chuckled.- Did you hear, Bev? We would have been late for the concert if Eddie hadn't remembered that you existed.-  
Beverly pouted, barely masking a little smile.- I would never have forgiven you, Eddie.-  
-Ah!- Bill exclaimed at that point, squinting and starting to rummage in his pockets. He pulled out a well-folded note.- Before I forget.- He handed it to Eddie, that thanking him quickly tucked it into the side pocket of the duffel bag.  
He had asked Bill to keep it in his place because, as his mother was nosy, she would surely have found it, no matter how well hidden.  
At that thought, he took a deep breath.   
Was he really ready to carry that lie thoroughly?  
Before the courage could lack, he jumped on the back of the pickup, clutching the edges of the bed, and said:-So, shall we go?-

The Cure were going to perform in a town just an hour from Derry.  
Eddie had to admit that he had barely listened to a couple of their songs, probably by mistake, while he was too distracted to change the stations on the radio.  
When that came to Beverly's ears, who was sitting in front of him in the back of the pickup, the girl horrified and spent the remaining time instructing him on the band's record history, also humming the songs that would surely be played at the concert and she wanted Eddie to learn.  
The boy listened with particular attention, in an attempt to ignore Richie and Becca who, a few centimeters from him, exchanged effusions.  
It was just a few innocent kisses on the lips or forehead, a whispered word in the ear that made the other smile or giggle, but Eddie felt a strange pressure in his chest every time Richie laughed a little too loudly, as if his heart was picking fights with the ribs.  
He could not explain why, and he had also tried, for a year now, not to give himself any answer at all.   
Perhaps, he said to himself, he was just jealous that Rebecca absorbed much of his time, preventing him from being with his friends as before.  
Maybe it bothered him that they were always so clingy, like the suction suckers attached to the wall of his bathroom to hang bathrobes.   
Eddie was a shy guy, and he didn't understand how Richie colud behave so brazenly.   
He would have preferred he didn't act so in front of him.  
Besides, he was certainly envious of the fact that he had a girlfriend, while he, in seventeen years, had given only one kiss to the spinning bottle game.  
 _But have you ever looked for a girl, Eddie?_  
At that thought, the little boy blinked violently, shaking himself.  
He tried to retune on the voice of Beverly, who was singing the praises of Wish, The Cure's album released in '92.  
Her aunt gifted her the vinyl for the evleventh grade promotion.  
Eddie made a comment on the cute thought, but the words came out of his mouth without him noticing, because Richie's laugh rumbled in his ears, and his mind was too focused on memorizing every little frequency, to be able to reproduce it, like a broken record, whenever he would have missed it.


	3. Into your eyes

In front of the stage was a monstrous mob.  
Eddie thanked that the concert was kept in the open air, because he would have not borne to be in a closed place surrounded by all those people.  
There was a great confusion around him, the crowd screaming, singing, clapping in time with the music. Someone even cried.  
Ben and Mike had raised their arms, swaying like the cloths stretched out to dry, singing loudly.  
Beverly, if possible, cried louder than them, and her scratchy voice reached Eddie's ears from the top of Bill's shoulders, on which she was perched in an attempt to better see what was happening on stage.  
The frontman had a warm, magnetic timbre, which managed to transport Eddie to the shores of the deep green sea the song spoke of, and it seemed to him as if he could also see the sun rising on the horizon, while a girl with gold hair listened to him speak.  
He closed his eyes, letting the crowd's noises and the lyrics of the song swallow him up.  
He only reopened them when the music stopped and everyone burst into a roar of applause.  
Beverly joined the chorus exultantly as all the Losers clapped their hands.  
Only Richie stood motionless, an arm around Rebecca's waist, her head resting on his chest.  
Eddie wondered if, amid all that chaos, she could hear his heartbeat.  
He turned his eyes to the stage again when the singer announced the next song, _Lovesong_.  
Richie smiled, and a shiver ran down his spine from the very first notes.  
He knew that song well, he had first heard it when he had accidentally taken Beverly's walkman in place of his own.   
On his way home, he had listened to it over and over again, totally enraptured.  
The next day he had returned the walkman to Beverly and begged her to lend him Wish's vinyl so he could listen to other songs from the band that had bewitched him.  
They were all wonderful, but _Lovesong_ had carved out a special place in his heart.  
He hoped he could dedicate it to someone one day - not to Rebecca, she wouldn't understand.  
 _You make me feel like I'm home again_ , Robert Smith sang, and Richie wondered when was the last time that hugging he he ad felt at home - had there ever been a time?  
 _You make me feel like I'm fun again._  
At first his being a "trashmouth" had amused her, but now she was no longer laughing, whatever he said seemed to make her nervous.  
He shook himself for an instant hearing Eddie laugh as Stan complained about the sweaty man who had just smeared himself on him to make his way through the crowd.  
He stood motionless, staring at him as his laugh gradually became a smile, the cheeks flushed for the heat, his eyes illuminated by the lights coming from the stage.  
 _... However far away..._  
Eddie turned to look at him too, as if he wanted to share with him what had just happened, and their gazes met.  
 _...I will always love you..._  
The smile was gone from Eddie's face, who wondered why Richie was staring at him like that. There was a strange sparkle in the black of his eyes, something that made Eddie want to move towards him even though Rebecca was in the between.  
But the boy stood where he was, telling himself that maybe Richie was only staring into the void, that he was thinking of something else and he didn't even realize he was observing him.  
 _...whatever words I say..._  
But then Richie blinked without looking away, and Eddie felt a cold chill on his arms, despite the August heat and the bodies around him.  
 _...I will always love you..._  
The song was over, the last notes dispersed in the air as the bassist dabbled in an additional solo.  
The applauses poured down, but the two boys kept looking at each other.  
Richie had to look away reluctantly, because his heart was speeding up the beats and Rebecca, with her ear on his chest, would have noticed.  
He felt like he was lacking hair.Why did he stare at Eddie like that? What got into him? Why his hazel eyes and the sprinkling of freckles on his nose were suddenly so interesting to him that he stood and stared at them as if he had never seen them before?  
He shrugged to release the tension. Eddie already thought he was weird, didn't he? A further extravagance would certainly not have surprised him. Maybe he didn't even notice he was staring at him.  
Beverly, meanwhile, had jumped off Bill's shoulders, clutching at him as Smith sang a love song.  
Rebecca watched them biting her lip, and Richie wondered if she was envious of their serenity, of the love Bill showed Bev.  
He stroked Becca's shoulder flatly and laid a kiss among her dark curls.  
Once the smell of her shampoo had reassured him, he had fallen asleep several times with his face in her hair, lulled by the notes of black vanilla.  
But by now it had become a smell like any other, devoid of its therapeutic qualities.  
Meanwhile, the song was over, as was the concert, and Richie found himself walking to the parking lot without even realizing it, surrounded by the laughter of his friends.  
Rebecca had gone away to talk to Bill, the boy only noticed because he could no longer feel any pressure on his chest.  
He breathed deeply, taking in the fresh air he had desired from the first minutes of the concert and for which he would have paid gold after staring at Eddie like that.  
He had a big headache, like he'd had for a few weeks now, probably because he was just brooding over his relationship with Rebecca.  
Perhaps the other Losers would have laughed, if they had known that he too thought, that Richie Tozier wasn't all spontaneity and belly laughters and sleazy jokes.  
He climbed onto the pickup bed in silence, unwittingly sitting in front of Eddie, but when he crossed his gaze, the little guy looked away.  
And Richie felt his chest tighten.


	4. Girls

Eddie clasped his knees to his chest and stuck his head between them, ignoring Richie's gaze.  
Was it another one of his stupid jokes? Was he just waiting for the right opportunity to tease him and tell the others that he was staring at him like a teenager in love?  
He kept himself busy by pulling out the blanket from the duffel bag by his side and wrapping it around his body.  
It wasn't _really that cold_ , but he wanted to create a barrier between him and Richie, so he curled up under the cloth, leaving only his nostrils out.  
Stan and Ben moved closer to him shortly after and slipped under the blanket with him, falling asleep one on his left shoulder, the other on the right.  
Eddie bit the inside of his cheek distractedly, reflecting.  
Having Ben and Stan next to him didn't have any special effect, but he was sure that if Richie leaned that way on him, his heart would explode in his chest.  
Was it really possible that he had fallen in love with him? How did that happen? And why with _a boy?_  
He uncovered his face and breathed, opening his mouth and nostrils widely, then slowly threw out the air.  
No _,_ he said to himself. _No._  
He liked girls. He _had to_ like them.  
He pointed his eyes at Beverly, sitting in front of him, more discreetly than he could, trying to list in his head the things he found attractive in her.  
She was a very pretty girl, with her flowing red hair and cornflower-colored eyes.  
She also had beautiful lips, fleshy and rosy. He looked at them carefully, waiting for the desire to kiss them to hit.  
It didn't happen.  
He snorted and looked down on the T-shirt she was wearing. It was quite narrow and low-cut on her chest, and Beverly could not be said to have a modest breast.  
Again, he waited for even the slightest influx of heat to invade his chest or face, but he could only feel the fresh wind that surrounded him.  
He reclined his head on the edge of the bed and barely held back an imprecation.  
He immediately regretted looking at Beverly like that, even though he hadn't felt anything. She was his friend, and Bill's girlfriend, furthermore!  
He lowered his eyes on his fragile and bony hands, and thought how much he would have liked to intertwine them with Richie's, which seemed so strong and safe in comparison.  
Now they were perched on Rebecca's hips, who had sat in the space between the boy's legs and had fallen asleep, her black and curly hair scattered to hide her face.  
Richie's dark eyes were facing elsewhere, toward the first rays of the sun that wounded the horizon.  
Eddie didn't know what he was willing to give to still meet his look as it had been during the concert, but Richie's eyes remained fixed on the road for the rest of the way.

Back in Derry, the group parted ways.  
Richie, Rebecca and Eddie were the first to get off the pickup: they would have done what was left of the road on foot, as their homes were nearby.  
The two boys accompained Rebecca home first, who gave them both a nod as a goodbye, without adding anything else and without kissing Richie.  
It left Eddie quite astonished, but the young man did not comment and merely remained silent next to his friend as Becca closed the front door behind her.  
Then, they both headed for Eddie's house.  
Richie put his hands in his pockets and looked at the other with an amused expression from the top of his nearly two meters of height.  
-Were you looking at Beverly's boobs earlier?-  
Eddie startled and widened his eyes, planting them in his.- _What?_ -  
-Come on, Eds. You heard me.-   
The little boy turned his head towards one of the many villas on their left.  
-It was a coincidence,- He said.-I was lost in thought.-  
Richie gave him a shove with his shoulder, but less strong than the one that had made him drop his medication in front of the pharmacy.  
-There would be nothing wrong in that, you know? Beverly has a really nice pair of...-  
-Richie!- snapped the other, surly.  
The friend chuckled, but Eddie kept looking at him badly.- You shouldn't talk like that.- He said, lowering his voice.-You have a girlfriend.-  
Richie's eyes snapped at him in a motion of surprise, but the expression on his face relaxed right after.-Not for much longer, actually.- He answered shaking his head a bit.  
Eddie furrowed his thick brown eyebrows.-What do you mean?-  
The friend shrugged.- It doesn't work anymore, Eds.- He looked down at his worn-out shoes, of a faded blue.-Rebecca says I'm a dick, and how to blame her? I think she got tired of me.-  
Eddie felt a kind of displeasure mixed with relief, as if the grip he felt on his heart had loosened up a little, but it didn't stop hurting. He couldn't bear to see Richie like that, and yet...  
-She's probably cheating on me.-Richie added, almost in a whisper.  
The other pinched on his arm a little.-Hey, that you don't know.- He tried to reassure him.  
-It doesn't matter.- Was Richie's abrupt response.- I don't love her anymore, too, for what I care she can do whatever she wants.- He shrugged.-I'd just want her to say it to my face.-  
Eddie crossed his arms to his chest and looked at him with an air of reproach.  
-You haven't been honest with her either.-  
-I know.- Richie pulled his hands out of his pockets and started to gesticulate, as if his movements could have expressed more than words.- But I don't know how. I'm afraid to hurt her.-  
-You just said she doesn't give a fuck about you anymore.-  
Richie lowered two dark, frowning eyes on him.-That's not the point, Eds. A breakup is always a breakup!-  
The other held his gaze for a few moments, then nodded and turned again to the villas.  
Richie was right. What could he understand about relationships, about love? He didn't even know if he'd ever felt such a feeling towards anyone. He didn't even know how he felt about _Richie_.  
He clamped his fists in frustration, but the friend seemed to take that gesture as a display of anger towards him, because he said:- Hey, Eds, if this pisses you off so much, I'll talk to her as soon as possible.-  
Eddie suddenly relaxed his hands and raised his head to look at him.-No, I...- Oh, he wanted to bite his tongue. Richie just said he was going to dump his girlfriend, why wasn't he able to take a chance like that?  
-You what, Eds?- Richie hung from his lips, Eddie could read it in his face.  
He sighed, before replying:- Yes, I think you should talk to her right away.-


	5. Mother's heart

Eddie returned home just before 7 a.m., slowly opening the front door to avoid waking his mother.  
With equal delicacy he closed it behind him and tiptoed towards the staircase.  
His mother's voice froze him at the foot of the first step.-How did it go, Eddie?-  
The boy turned with his heart in his throat, distinguishing through the lukewarm light that filtered from the shutters the figure of Sonia, sitting in an armchair.  
-It went well, Mum.- He answered her, giving her a forcibly relaxed smile.-What are you doing awake at this hour?-  
The woman crossed her arms to her wide chest, raising her eyebrows.-I was waiting for you to come back, _Eddie dear._ -  
He placed a trembling hand on the balustrade, slowly tightening his fingers around the wood.- It was not necessary. I simply were at Bi...-  
The last letters died in his throat, because his mother furiously grabbed the armrests and shouted:-Enough, Eddie!-  
The boy stood staring at her with his eyes and mouth wide open.  
 _Shit_ , that was the only thing he could think of. _Shit, shit, shit._  
His mother pointed a plump finger at him.- You've had more than one chance to tell me the truth, and you didn't.- Even in the half-light of the living room her eyes were burning.- Stop making fun of me. Where have you been?-  
Eddie's voice came out in a throttled whisper.- But... how...? -  
She looked at him with hubris.- You forgot your inhaler.- She answered, before Eddie could ask any question.- I phoned to the Denbroughs several times to tell you to come back and get it, but no one answered.-  
Oh, Eddie wanted to scream. Of all the possible days to lie to his mother, he had chosen the one in which Bill's family wasn't even home to hold up his lie.  
-Where have you been, Eddie?- The woman repeated, so harshly that her request seemed like an order.  
The boy took a deep breath, reflecting on what to do.  
Perhaps, he thought, if he told the truth at that very moment, his punishment would be less severe. Maybe his mother would let him out of the house after a year or two.  
He swallowed empty before answering, in a small voice:- At a concert, Mum.-  
The woman jolted.- Where? With whom?-  
Eddie tightened his grip on the balustrade. If he told her he had gone with his friends, she wouldn't let him see them again.  
He hushed, and in his mother's flaming eyes a further spark lit up, this time of understanding.-You went with that guy, with Richie Tozier!- She yelled, tearing up the armrest cloth to the point that Eddie thought she might have ripped it off.  
The boy clenched his jaw.-Richie has nothing to do with it!- He replied, raising his voice.- Stop talking about him as if he were a...-  
-A bastard!- His mother shouted, even louder, her eyes wide, her cheeks swollen and red with anger.-A thug!-  
Eddie felt the blood boiling in his body and throbbing in his ears as if he was being roasted on fire.- Richie is none of this.- He retorted, his throat scraped for all that screaming.- He did not choose the family in which he was born!-  
-Nonsense!- The woman leaned towards him, her face on fire.- What kind of child could parents like that ever bring up? He's going to be as insane as the mother and as drunk as the father!-  
Eddie swallowed the bitter tears that threatened to rise to his eyes, he wasn't going to show his weakness in front of his mother, not again, just so that she could turn against him his insecurities and manipulate him as she had done all those years.  
He took a step towards her.- You don't even know him.- He replied between his teeth.-You've never tried to know him!-  
-He was the one who told you to lie, didn't he?- The woman had lowered her voice, but the ferocity with which she had spat out every word did not escape Eddie.- It was he who forced you to lie to _your mother_.-  
The boy saw red. There was nothing in the woman in front of him that was worth respecting or defining maternal. He moved again towards her, swiftly, and bent over her until he saw the fear in her watery eyes.-I lied to you because you left me no choice!- He yelled.- Because you kept me locked up in this house for seventeen years without letting me live _my life_. Do you think this will bring Dad back? Do you think that...-  
Eddie had to stop, because his mother's eyes had become as big and still as those of fishes hung to dry. A gasp came out of the woman's throat before she fell on all fours from the armchair, her face facing the floor.  
-Mom!- Eddie shouted, approaching the woman's body, holding her as he could despite her size.  
He tried to get her back on the armchair, but his mother did not respond to his gestures, she was helpless in his arms, and terribly cold.  
Eddie let go of the tears he had held back until then and called her name over and over again, but the woman had lost consciousness, lying on the floor.  
The boy took his head in his hands, violently grabbing his hair.  
He allowed himself one last, violent sob before forcing himself to calm down and to react.  
His mother was having a heart attack.  
 _I must call for help_ , he thought, and he looked around with his eyes blurred, trying to remember where the phone was.  
He spotted the coffee table next to the front door and ran towards it, grabbing the handset.  
He composed the 911 with trembling fingers, making more than once a mistake in selecting numbers. The wheel spun and spun, and the noise pierced his tympanum as if they had shot him a step from his ears.  
 _You're wasting too much time, Eddie._  
A man answered, and Eddie explained the situation to him amid the sobs, repeating the same phrase several times.  
He struggled to remember the street he dwelled in, as if he had not lived in that neighborhood since the day he was born and had not walked the same road millions of times returning from school.  
He glanced terrifiedly at his mother, mute and poured to the ground like a beached sea creature, and took a sobbing breath.  
The man at the other end of the phone said something Eddie didn't quite understand.  
The boy only answered:-Be quick, I beg you.-


	6. Pancakes

Richie left the house at eight o'clock, after allowing himself a stunted half-hour sleep on the living room couch.  
He had left breakfast ready for his younger brothers, because he knew his mother would not get out of bed to do so and send them to school fasting.  
He didn't particularly like cooking, but by the time his father had left the house and his mother had fallen into depression - or in a state of madness, as the inhabitants of Derry murmured - he had been forced to roll up his sleeves.  
He went down the steps of the wooden porch two by two, humming one of the songs that had remained in his head since the night spent.  
He felt a particular energy, vital and adrenaline-pumping, flowing through his veins, which made him tremble from head to toe.  
When he met Rebecca halfway through, the tremor increased.He greeted her with a nod and approached her smiling, trying to hide the tension.  
It was probably useless, because the girl squaded him from head to toe with curious and inquiring eyes, perceiving even meters away that something was wrong.  
The first thing she said to him when he approached her was:-You've got your shirt buttoned badly.-  
Richie uttered a startled groan, immediately lowering his gaze to the garment.  
-You seemed agitated on the phone.- She continued as the boy correctly slipped the buttons into the slots.-What was all the rush about?-  
He lifted for a moment his eyes from the quick work of his hands to meet hers, and immediately felt a knot in his throat. He shook his head, returning to focus on his shirt.-I don't want to talk about it here.- He said.  
 _I'm about to dump her_ , he thought, as the knot tightened until he was breathless.  
 _I'm about to dump her, and she doesn't have the faintest idea._  
Rebecca shrugged her shoulders with indifference.-All right.- She answered.-Shall we go to the Moondance Diner?-  
Richie scratched his nape nervously. He didn't want to break up with her in such a crowded place.-I'm not very hungry.- He lied, because he was so much to eat a wagon of the Moondance pancakes - he had left what had remained in the fridge to his brothers.  
Rebecca put her hands in her pockets and started walking.- Maybe you aren't, Richie, but I didn't have breakfast to get to you on time.- She turned to look at him as the boy stood by her.  
He shunned her eyes, carefully studying the scutch that had grown wild and careless among the cracks of the pavement.  
That little plant was like Rebecca, he thought. Obstinate and distrustful, but all too easy to tear away and hurt.  
He had experienced several times how fragile and tender her heart was, however much she tried not to show it. It was that jealously hidden sweetness that had made him fall in love.  
Perhaps, he said to himself, if he had not been so distracted - but by what, though? - he would have noticed that Rebecca's eyes were still glimmering when she looked at him, and that her voice let a timid happiness shine through when she spoke to him. Maybe he had stopped noticing all those details, going so far as to think that she didn't love him anymore.  
Arrived at Moondance Rebecca opened the door of the place by herself, preceding Richie inside. The boy was disoriented, but he remembered almost with a smile that Rebecca had never allowed him to open her the door or offer her a dinner. He would have wanted to do it, because that was what his father had taught him before he lost his head and run away from home like a thief, but perhaps it was better this way: gallantry was not among his best qualities.  
He followed the young woman inside and took a seat in front of her at a small table next to the window.  
He wanted to say something, but Rebecca immediately hid her face behind the menu, immersed in reading.  
The waitress arrived soon, with a pretty white apron and a pad in her hand, ready to take the order.  
Becca laid the menu on the table and ordered with satisfaction waffles drowned in chocolate syrup and a milkshake.  
-And pancakes,- She added, taking a look at Richie's surprised face.- with blueberries and cream.-  
The waitress went away nodding, and the boy took a few moments to recover from the astonishment and whisper to Rebecca:- I told you that...-  
-I know what you said.- She interrupted him, and took one of the hands that the boy had laid on the table.- But your stomach did nothing but grumble all the way.-  
Richie blushed and brought his free hand to his nose as a reflex, to fix the glasses he no longer wore.-Thank you.- He murmured, and the girl interwined her fingers with his.  
-If you're broke, I can pay for it.- She said with plainness, and Richie looked into her eyes, seeing the spark of goodness he had so much missed.  
If anyone else had spoken to him like that, he would probably have felt humiliated or offended, but Becca knew that Richie would take the food out of his mouth to give it to his brothers, and that he often fasted.  
"You're too skinny", she would say to him from time to time, touching his ribs and clutching him to herself.  
If she had ever offered to pay him a meal, it had been for love. Only for love.  
Richie felt his heart tremble.  
Did Rebecca still love him?  
And did he still her?  
Only a few hours earlier he had told Eddie that he was done with her, that his feelings had gone out, but maybe he had answered so in self-defense, because he had convinced himself that he no longer loved her in response to her lacks.  
But if Rebecca looked at him like that, he wasn't sure how he felt.  
The thought that she might have cheated on him touched him once again, and he stiffened.  
No, she wasn't such to do things like that. Yet doubt continued to haunt him.  
-Easy, I can pay.- He replied, taking his hand away from her grasp.  
Rebecca stood for a few moments staring at him, as if the hardness in his tone was unexpected.  
Then she nodded slowly and took her hand off the table, laying it on her knees, and lowered her gaze in a way that made Richie understand that the chill had fallen again between them.


End file.
